I was at Wal-Mart returning a broken deep fryer I’d gotten as a Christmas gift, and there was a huge commotion in the children’s section. The Wal-Mart employee, a tiny dark-haired woman who barely spoke English, was in tears as she tried to pacify this huge drag queen, who kept repeating him/herself, pumping his/her fist in the air, demanding the same item over and over to this poor, confused Wal-Mart girl. “I don’t know what she want! I cannot understand what she want!” miss Wal-Mart cried.

This drag queen kept demanding “Get a feathered hat for the baby! Get a feathered hat for the baby! Get a feathered hat for the baby!” It was then that I realized Lanie Kazan shops at Wal-Mart. I think she had on a body mic, too.